


Background Radiation

by Goldy



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff and Angst, flangst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-09-30
Updated: 2014-06-22
Packaged: 2018-02-05 17:09:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1825822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goldy/pseuds/Goldy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five years after Journey’s End, Rose wakes up in the wrong universe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

  
Rose woke up with a dry throat and sticky skin. It took her a few seconds to get her bearings. They had gone to the beach, on the Azure Coast of France. As a late honeymoon, the Doctor had said, wiggling his ring finger in her direction. It was still enough to make them grin like idiots.

She smiled to herself and then sat up, squinting into the setting sun. Blimey, with all that fresh air, she must have slept all day.

She swallowed, throat feeling like sandpaper. She _really_ needed some water. She pushed herself to her feet and stretched, glancing around the beach. Her eyes roamed over other tourists and couples sprawled out on the sand.

But there was no Doctor.

Rose sighed, idly twisting her wedding ring around on one finger. He’d probably checked on her earlier and then left without disturbing her. She felt a pang, missing him already. They were supposed to be on their _honeymoon_ —fourteen days of non-stop shagging, cuddling, and generally driving everyone else mad with envy or annoyance. And here she was, snoozing on a beach.

She turned around to fetch her stuff and then stopped. Everything was gone—her t-shirt, her towel, her flip-flops. She blinked and then held her hand over her eyes, gaze jumping over the beach. There was no sign of her stuff anywhere.

Well, that was... odd. She couldn't imagine why anyone would make off with her flip-flops. Shrugging, she began to make her way back to the hotel, the cooling sand squishing between her toes. It wasn’t long before she started to feel chilled. She shivered and folded her arms across her chest, beginning to regret throwing on a skimpy two-piece swimsuit. Goosebumps broke out along her arms and she quickened her pace.

She climbed over a small rock cliff (that was _weird_ —she didn’t remember that from her trek out), eyeing the hotel longingly in the distance. The rocks cut into the bottom of her feet and she winced, silently coaxing herself forward. She was almost there.

Then she saw him. The Doctor, standing casually at the bottom of the cliff with his hands shoved into his pockets and his back to her. He stared out at the ocean, gaze fixed on the rapidly setting sun.

Rose’s heart jumped at the sight of him. She hurried down the hill, grinning when she reached his side. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” she said, linking her arm through his. “I can’t believe I almost missed this. You should’ve—” _woken me_ she finished silently, words dying when he turned to _stare_ at her with a gaze that stopped her cold.

He looked at her like she was a ghost. Her eyes took in his face—younger yet somehow more haunted than it had been that morning. Her gaze drifted lower and she felt her heart stutter. Brown. He was wearing brown. A brown suit she hadn’t seen since… since…

“Oh god,” Rose whispered, releasing him like he might burn her. She staggered backwards, feet scrabbling for purchase on the rough sand. “Oh my god.”

She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. It had been five years since she’d seen him, and she had never quite forgotten what it felt like when he turned his back and left without saying goodbye.

His disbelieving eyes roamed over her face before dropping lower, taking in her skimpy swimsuit and bare feet. He swallowed and opened his mouth before closing it again, looking stunned. Then his eyes snapped to the band on her finger. His eyes darkened with something she couldn’t read.

When he spoke again, she barely recognized him. “TARDIS. Now.”

She swallowed and nodded, throat closing up. She didn’t know what to say. It was the Doctor, but not _hers_ anymore. She had no bloody clue where to even begin.

“I _mean_ it,” he said again. “Whatever brought you here has the power to bring down the walls between universes. And that can’t be good.”

He settled his hands on her shoulders, steering her forward. His fingers brushed against her bare shoulders and the skimpy straps of her swimsuit. His breath hitched and he abruptly drew his hands back.

“This way,” he said instead.

***

The TARDIS was only a short walk away, but Rose was freezing by the time they got there. The Doctor hurriedly turned the key in the lock and the doors creaked open. He ushered her inside, doing his best not to touch her.

It was darker in the console room than Rose remembered. Shivering, she sunk down into the pilot’s chair, arms wrapped around her waist.

The Doctor barely seemed to notice of her. He headed straight for the console and started hitting buttons, hooking on his glasses and muttering to himself.

She should be helping him, she thought. But she couldn’t bring herself to move. Having him treat her like a stranger, an _unwanted_ stranger, bought back a fresh wave of pain she thought she’d moved past a long time ago. She pressed her palms to her eyes, holding back tears.

She didn’t want him to see her cry. She took a few deep, controlling breaths. He’d help her get back home—of course he would. Maybe it would be better for both of them if it happened quickly.

She glanced around the console room and spied his coat, hanging by the door on a hook. She felt a pang—she missed that coat. Quietly, she rose to her feet, careful not to get in the Doctor’s way.

“A multisulpher loop feed?” she heard him mutter. “No, no, no… that can’t be right.”

She reached for the coat, pulling it off the hook. Then she returned to the pilot’s seat, wrapping it around her shoulders and burying into it.

She sighed. Better. Much, much better. It smelled like him—like she was home.

“Aha!” the Doctor cried. “It’s a rift. Just one, off the Azure Coast of France. Fancy that.” He turned around, speaking excitedly. “It’s more like a tear, really. That’s why I didn’t notice it. It’s like… like a thread beginning to unravel. One little tear doesn’t matter, not really, but pull on the whole thing, and…”

He stopped abruptly, having got a good look at her. His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down and he suddenly he looked young and vulnerable. “You’re wearing my coat.”

Rose blushed. “I was cold.”

“You should have said something,” he said gruffly. He spun back around and turned a knob on the console. Right away, Rose could feel the temperature begin to rise.

“Thanks,” she said.

He turned back around, not quite looking at her. Rose shifted uncomfortably, feeling again like she wasn’t welcome.

She stood up and shrugged off the coat. The Doctor’s eyes darted over to her, just in time to get an eyeful of… just about everything. He squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“On second thought,” he said, “keep it on. Yours was definitely the right idea.”

“Okay,” Rose said, trying to ignore the catch in her voice. She sat back down.

The Doctor returned to the console. “I should be able to get you back and close the rift behind you. It won’t happen again.”

“Doctor?”

He stilled. “What is it?”

“Why won’t you look at me?”

He turned around, hands shoved into his pockets and his face an unreadable mask. “I’m sorry?”

“We haven’t seen each other in years, and I know you’ve probably had loads of other travelling companions and adventures and—” she couldn’t quite make herself say _moved on_. She swallowed. “But it’s me. And you won’t even… you won’t even look at me.”

She was trying hard not to cry, but all she could think about was that last time he ran towards her like his life depended on it—like she was the only thing in the universe that mattered. Now it felt like… like he was doing his best to make her disappear.

“Rose,” he said, and he flinched at her name like he was drudging up a long-buried and painful memory. “It’s not that I…” He took a breath and then said, “It’s because it hurts.”

“Oh,” she whispered. Her eyes darted around the TARDIS, really taking in the darkened corners and empty hallways for the first time. “You’re on your own?” He nodded and leaned back against the console, faraway look in his eyes. She pressed on, “There hasn’t been anyone?”

His gaze snapped back to hers, and now it was like he couldn’t _stop_ looking at her. He considered her carefully. “Well, people here and there, I suppose. But no, not in the way you mean. Not since Donna.”

It felt like a fist was squeezing her heart. She couldn’t stop her next question, “Then why’d you send me away?”

She knew it was selfish of her to ask when she had her own Doctor in her universe back home. But she had never been able to let go of the fear that he’d left her behind because he wanted to get rid of her.

He pushed himself off the console, shifting back and forth from one leg to the other. “Aren’t you happy?” His eyes drifted momentarily to her wedding ring before fixing back on her face.

Rose blinked. “Well, yeah, but…”

The Doctor shrugged and mustered up a small smile.

Rose sighed. How could she explain that part of being happy was knowing the person you loved most wasn’t miserable and on his own?

“Rose,” he said, and his voice was gentle now. “We need to go to the infirmary and figure out what’s happened to you.”

“I thought you said that it was a… a what did you call it? Multigrain loop feed.”

“Multisulphur,” the Doctor corrected. “That’s sort of… the residue left behind. The stuff that lets us know there’s a tear between worlds.”

“Void stuff?”

He smiled, and for a second it felt like it could be any ordinary day—the two of them, the Doctor and Rose, sitting around in a posh Torchwood office and discussing the latest alien invasion about to hit London.

“Exactly,” said the Doctor. “Still—” he pushed himself off the console and jerked his head towards the corridor. “It doesn’t explain what happened to you.”

Right, Rose remembered, with a flush. This wasn’t her Doctor, and it wasn’t her universe—not anymore.

The Doctor caught the look on her face. “I’ll sort it out, Rose. Whatever’s happened to you.”

Then without taking her hand, without so much as pausing to make sure she was following, he set off towards the infirmary.

Rose flexed her empty fingers and then followed him.

****

Two hours.

Two hours he prodded at her, mumbling vaguely under his breath and seeming to pull a new piece of equipment out of the TARDIS every time she blinked.

They barely talked, which suited Rose just fine. It was a lot to take in, being back in the TARDIS with this man—with the Doctor who turned around and left her behind. Oh, she’d tried to understand his reasons for it. She’d get older; he wouldn’t. The other Doctor could go back to her world and give her a real relationship for the rest of her life; he couldn’t.

All those things, though… the house and having someone to grow older with, they had never mattered to her. Not if it meant being without him.

She chanced a glance at him. He had his glasses on and waved a flashing piece of equipment up and down her side. Thing was… it had mattered to _him_. And he’d seen a version of himself who could do all those things and be those things for her. So he turned and ran away without looking back.

Until now.

“So—” she said, breaking the silence, “saved any worlds lately?”

A smile tugged at his mouth. “Several, in fact.” There was a pause. “You?”

“Just the one,” Rose said.

“Bet you’re brilliant at it, though,” said the Doctor. “Hold on, this is going to prick.”

Rose winced at the sudden, sharp jab in her arm and the Doctor pulled the blinking red thing in front of his face. He made a “hmm” noise and then frowned, his expression darkening.

Rose felt her heart rate speed up. “Doctor?”

There was no response. He continued to stare at the blinking light, his jaw tightening.

“What’s it say?” Rose pressed.

The Doctor slowly lowered the device and then turned and threw it against the wall. It hit the wall with a _smash_ before crashing to the floor and shattering into pieces.

Rose jumped, her gaze snapping from the device to the Doctor. He was standing in the middle of the infirmary, his hands in his pockets, and his eyes fixed on her with a terrible look.

She said the first thing that popped into her head. “Oh my god. I’m stuck here.”

He stared at her, his mouth opening slightly. It would have been comical if the situation hadn’t been so dire. “What?”

“I’ll never see him again,” Rose whispered, glancing down at her ring and her heart giving a painful tug in her chest. He wouldn’t even know what _happened_. Or worse—he _would_ and think that she abandoned him. What would he tell her Mum? And Tony?

She pressed one hand to her mouth, beginning to feel dizzy. Her wedding ring slid against her lip. It was cold and she tasted copper in her mouth.

“No, Rose, _no_ ,” said the Doctor’s voice. She glanced up. He was pacing back and forth and one of his hands fisted agitatedly in his hair. “It’s not that. You can go home.”

“Then _what_?” she said. “What did it say?”

“Exactly what everything else said. And I did _look_ , Rose. I tried four different tests—I tried for two hours and they all said exactly the same thing.”

“Said _what_?” Rose asked. He continued to pace, tugging at his hair. “Oh, for the love of… DOCTOR!”

He came to a sudden stop and she hopped off the infirmary bed. She grabbed his arm and led him over to her, making him sit down next to her. Then she turned and took both his hands in hers. He glanced down at her hands in surprise and then up at her face.

Rose licked her lips and kept her voice level. “Tell me what the tests said. Whatever it is, we’ll handle it. Together.”

She squeezed his hands. He managed a strained smile and squeezed back.

He took a deep breath. “The reality bomb was destruction on a _massive_ scale. The universe can’t just recover from it overnight. It left behind weak spots between the worlds. Just… tiny pockets. Insignificant, invisible—the TARDIS wouldn’t be able to navigate through them. Not without a huge power source, anyway. And you’d have to _find_ them first. Impossible.”

“Then how’d I get through?”

He looked at her intently, gaze sweeping over her face. His voice was soft when he continued, “Because you, Rose Tyler, you’re covered in void stuff. You’ve been back and forth between parallel worlds more than anyone else in this entire universe, I reckon.”

Rose blushed. “I was looking for you.”

“ _And_ you were helping Donna.”

“Well, yeah, but—”

“How many trips did you make?” he said, suddenly serious. “How many, Rose?”

“I… I dunno, I lost count, I suppose.” She paused. “Why does that matter?”

He sighed and raked a hand through his hair again. “You’re like the grease in a rusted clog. A hamster in a tube. A nail in a hole. A—”

“Yeah, yeah, I get it,” she said. “What you’re saying is, the universe is so used to me crossing between worlds, I just sort of… what? Fell through?”

“Exactly,” the Doctor said. “Right through a tear in the Azure Coast of France, Earth, 2014. There was a me on your world, a me here… the universe’s way of compensating, maybe.”

Rose’s head began to spin. “Then… then all we have to do is go back there, yeah? And I can go through again?” He looked away from her. “Doctor?”

“You’re covered in void stuff, Rose,” he said and something in his voice broke her heart. “Background radiation, you called it once.”

She felt tears beginning to prick at her eyes. She clutched at his hands, unconsciously moving closer to him. “What’s that mean? Tell me.”

“Your cells are breaking down,” he said. “Degenerating. A little bit at a time. Your body is trying to fight back, of course, but it’s a losing battle. And in the time being, you’ll grow weaker and weaker until one day…”

“I shut down,” Rose whispered. The Doctor clenched his jaw and nodded, still not looking at her. She pulled her hands out of his grip and folded them on her lap, squeezing them between her knees. She forced herself to ask the next question. “How long have I got?”

“A year, maybe,” the Doctor said heavily. “A few months, more likely.”

 _A few months_ , Rose thought, stomach clenching. She felt a cry rising in her throat and she pressed her hand to her mouth, holding it back. She squeezed her eyes shut and listened intently—listened for the steady pounding of her own heart. _Thump, thump, thump._

“You haven’t noticed anything different recently?” the Doctor said. “No changes?”

Rose shook her head, and then sat up straighter. “I’ve been sleeping a lot. I thought it was because of the fresh air, and we were on our honeymoon… oh, god.”

Without thinking about it, she pressed up against him. The Doctor stiffened, but then relaxed, his arms going around her. He pulled her closer, his chin coming to rest on the top of her head.

Rose slowly felt herself relax. He smelled and felt right—the shape of his chest, his hands on her back. But there were differences, too. She could feel two hearts pounding against her ear and he was skinnier than her Doctor was.

She took a few more calming breaths and then pulled away. All right, she could do this. She’d been in plenty of worse situations before. They had months to figure this out.

The Doctor was looking even more haggard than before. “There’s nothing I can do to stop it,” he said. His fingers clenched into fists at his sides. “The void stuff will just eat and eat until…”

He bowed his head and went very, very quiet and very, very still.

Rose felt one tear slip down her cheek. She knew the Doctor loved her—but she had doubted that he could love her _this_ much, still, after so much time had passed.

Her thoughts drifted to her Doctor, probably half out of his mind with worry by now. Another tear slipped down her cheek. How could she tell him? He’d have nothing left once she was gone. No TARDIS, no time travelling—just his half-human, mortal life. And he’d have to stand back and watch as she slipped away, unable to do anything.

For a second, she contemplated asking to stay with the Doctor on the TARDIS. _He_ would go on after she was gone, she was sure of it. And she could save her Doctor from the pain of watching her die.

Then the second passed and she straightened her shoulders, glancing down at her wedding ring. _For better or worse_ , she thought.

She hopped off the infirmary bed and then crouched down to look the Doctor in the eyes. She placed one hand on his cheek. “It’s not your fault, Doctor. You didn’t know. And even if…” she swallowed. “I would have still come back. Always.”

He raised his gaze to hers and Rose could tell he still blamed himself. “I’ll find a way to stop it,” he said. “Whatever’s happening, I’ll stop it. I promise.”

“I know,” Rose said, and knew she was lying, knew the Doctor’s promises didn’t always count for much.

Then she leaned in and pressed her lips to his. He didn’t react at first, but then he leaned into her kiss, one of his hands coming to rest on her back. She let her hand drift from his face to his cheek to his hair. His tongue flicked out, sweeping against her bottom lip, and he pulled her closer. Rose leaned against his knees, drawing the kiss out.

Finally, they pulled away. The Doctor kept his eyes closed, breathing hard. Rose touched one hand to her lips, smiling against her fingers.

“I’ve always wanted to do that,” she said. “All those years we spent in the TARDIS travelling…”

He managed the faintest of smiles. “Me, too.”

Rose felt a giddy flush rise to her cheeks. The Doctor reached for her hand. One of his fingers swept over her wedding ring and Rose felt her heart-rate speed up, but he only said, “It’s beautiful. Suits you.”

“Yeah? You picked it.”

“Of course I did,” he said with a smirk. Then he turned serious again. “Rose—”

“Doctor,” she interrupted. “I need you to take me back. You said you could, yeah? I need… I need to be with him.”

He looked surprised and Rose could tell that he hadn’t been expecting that. He dropped her hand and sprang to his feet. “Right,” he said, combing back his dishevelled hair. He managed a tight smile. “Let’s get you home.”


	2. Chapter 2

Rose’s heart pounded as the Doctor navigated the TARDIS back to her world. She’d made the tear bigger, he said. Now that he knew where it was, it was a simple matter of slipping through. 

_Simple. Right_ , Rose thought, ducking and hiding under her arms as something exploded overhead. A beam crashed down to the floor next to her. 

“HOLD ON,” the Doctor yelled (he’d been doing a lot of that), “WE’RE NEARLY THERE.”

Rose grabbed for the console, and the Doctor waved smoke away from the vidscreen, peering into it as the TARDIS sparked and sizzled around them. 

“This is gonna work, yeah?”

“YEAH,” said the Doctor, still shouting. “JUST… JUST… HANG ON—”

There was another banging noise. Rose jerked to the side, crashing against the console before falling to the floor. She lay there, stunned, before realizing that they’d come to a stop. “Doctor?”

His face appeared above hers. “We’re here.”

He reached for her hand and pulled her to her feet. Rose took a few seconds to cover herself up in his coat again and brush her hair back. Then she turned to the door. “How long have I been gone?”

The Doctor shrugged. “A day, maybe.”

She shot him a look. “You said you could get me back right after I left!”

“I did!” the Doctor protested. “Well, near enough anyway. Do you want to drive?”

“Tetchy,” she muttered. “Where did we come out?”

The Doctor raised his eyebrows at her. “Go and see.”

His words made Rose remember another time—a time when she rushed out of the TARDIS in excitement with the Doctor hanging proudly behind her. Staring at the TARDIS doors, waiting to push them open—she almost felt that same rush of excitement, that same feeling of stepping out into the unknown. 

But that Rose felt like a ghost now—from a time before dimension cannons and the harsh rejection of “Does it need saying?” She swallowed, pushing away the odd sense of déjà vu. 

She opened the doors and blinked around. She was in a bedroom—light streamed in from the windows, and the bed was rumpled and unmade. A pile of her clothes were lying in a heap next to the bed like the owner had abandoned them in a rush and then forgot to pick them back up. Next to them were her missing flip-flops, t-shirt, and towel—looking a little worse for the wear but still intact. 

The Doctor came up behind her. “Look familiar to you?”

“It’s our bedroom,” said Rose in a whisper. “I mean… our bedroom at the hotel. How did you—?”

Rose didn’t finish. The door to the bedroom burst open and her Doctor rushed in, gaze immediately seeking her out. His blue suit was uncharacteristically rumpled, his face unshaven. He looked worn and harried—like he hadn’t slept in days. 

Rose felt a tug of guilt. How could she have thought about abandoning him? Even for a moment?

“Rose,” he croaked. He took a few steps into the room, blinking at the harsh sunlight pouring in from the windows. 

“Hi,” she whispered back. 

He stared at her, drinking her in before looking behind her, taking in the TARDIS and his other self for the first time. He shook his head like he was seeing things and then focused on Rose again.

“What…?”

“I fell through,” Rose found herself explaining. “But I… I came back.”

She could tell he wasn't listening. He closed the last few steps between them and pulled her into a tight embrace. He kissed the corner of her mouth, her chin, her cheeks, her eyelids, and then took a deep, shuddering breath before leaning into her. 

She held him tightly, and then wrinkled her nose. A shower and a change of clothes were _definitely_ in order. 

Slowly the Doctor pulled back enough to study her. His fingers hooked behind her ear, and his gaze swept over her face before lingering on his old coat. He stared at the coat and then glanced behind her, shocked gaze now registering the other Doctor and the TARDIS.

His mouth dropped open, his lips moving soundlessly. Finally, he managed to croak out, “Are you leaving?”

“What?” Rose said. “What? Why would I…? No, Doctor—” she clutched at his hands, staring up to his face. “ _No_.”

“I thought… the readings I picked up from where you disappeared, it said…”

“I would _never_ ,” Rose whispered. “I came back as soon as I could.”

The Doctor sagged in relief. He pulled her to him again, lips pressing against the corner of her jaw before finding her mouth. They kissed a few times before he pulled away and nuzzled her cheek.

There was a harried sigh from behind them. “Right. On your own time, then.”

Reluctantly, they pulled apart. The Doctor drew in a breath and then focused on his other self. He clung to Rose’s hand, apparently unwilling to sever all contact. “What are you doing here?” he said, voice rising. “You can't just... just pop back into our lives after all this time. Do you have _any_ idea what it was like when I learned Rose had disappeared?"

"It wasn’t like that," Rose said, squeezing his hand. "He brought me back. It wasn't his fault."

“She fell through a tear between the worlds,” the Time Lord Doctor explained. 

The Doctor blinked like he wasn’t sure what to make of this piece of information. “She what?”

“Hamster in a tube,” Rose added. She gestured forward with her arm. “The universe sucked me right through. One second I’m taking a nap in this universe, the next second…”

The Doctor’s grip on her hand tightened. “You fell through? You were there on your own?” 

“Oi!” said the Time Lord Doctor. “What am I? Space dust?” 

Rose’s Doctor shot his duplicate a disgusted look. “Listen,” she said hurriedly, eager to diffuse any arguments. “I’m all right.” The Doctor settled his gaze back on her, eyes searching her face. She took a deep breath. “There’s something else.”

But she could tell he was already beginning to puzzle things out. “You can’t just pop between parallel worlds. Impossible. Well, _near_ impossible, anyway. The only possible explanation is if you’re…”

He jerked back and ran one hand through his hair. His horrified gaze went back to his other self.

“Void stuff,” said the Time Lord Doctor. “I reckon neither universe can tell where she belongs.”

Rose flinched at the reminder. Her Doctor backed up a few more paces, hand still running through his hair. 

“I didn’t know,” continued the Time Lord Doctor. “I’m sorry. I would never have...” He trailed off. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s all right,” Rose said, voice coming out sharper than she intended. “That doesn’t matter right now. We’ve just gotta... put our heads together and find a way to stop this, yeah?”

She focused on her Doctor’s face. He nodded and raked his fingers through his hair a few times before addressing the Time Lord Doctor. “How long has she got?” 

Rose couldn’t help noticing there were wrinkles around his eyes and mouth that the other Doctor—the Time Lord Doctor—didn’t have. Had they been there for a while? Or were they new—because of her? She had to fight the urge to put her arms around him and tell him that none of this was true, that they were both going to be okay.

“A few more months,” answered the Time Lord Doctor, his voice gentle. “Maybe a year.”

Rose’s Doctor nodded like he expected that. He focused on his duplicate self. “Tell me everything you know.”

The Time Lord Doctor took a deep breath. “I’ll find a way to save her. I promise you.”

“ _We’ll_ find a way,” corrected the Doctor. 

“Me, too,” Rose piped up, but neither Doctor looked like they were paying much attention to her. 

“I did some scans in the TARDIS,” said the Time Lord Doctor. “We can take a look, see if there might be some way to reverse the process.”

The Doctor nodded, but shot a weary look towards the TARDIS, his eyes lingering on his former ship for the first time. “Right.”

Rose glanced back and forth between them, feeling more and more invisible. She cleared her throat. “What about me? What can I do?”

They both looked over like they were just noticing her for the first time. “Um…” began the Time Lord Doctor. He scratched the back of his neck. “ _Well_ …”

“Cup of tea?” said her Doctor. He tapped the side of his head. “Gets the old synapses going.”

Rose snorted, somehow heartened by his flippancy. “Yeah, all right. Let me just throw on some proper clothes.”

She moved past the Time Lord Doctor, bending down to gather up her clothes still lying in a pile on the floor. Her t-shirt and shorts were damp and wrinkled, but picking out a new outfit would take energy she didn't have. And it was better than staying in her bikini and the Doctor’s coat.

She grabbed a fresh pair of underwear and turned around to find both Doctors peering at her thoughtfully. Well, if that didn’t make her feel self-conscious....

“I’ll just... pop into the bathroom, then,” said Rose, face flushing.

She avoided looking at either of them before disappearing into the bathroom, sighing in relief when she closed the door behind her. 

She dropped her clothes on the floor and then shrugged off the Doctor’s coat, biting her lip. Suddenly even the simple act of changing felt like too much effort. 

She took a few unsteady steps over to the toilet, closing the lid before sitting down. She gazed blankly off into space, thoughts a jumbled mess. She felt like she was being pulled in all directions at once. 

Even after all this time, she was still drawn to the Time Lord Doctor. She felt guilty—like she was being unfaithful or disloyal or something. All the same, she desperately wanted to get back to her life with the other him, the one that was _hers_. 

They were supposed to be on their honeymoon. 

_I’m dying_ , she reminded herself. Shouldn’t that make everything else seem unimportant? All she really wanted, though, was to curl up in bed and go to sleep. She felt like she could sleep for a million years. 

Shoulders slumping, she cradled her head in her hands, rubbing at her temples.

There was a knock on the door. “Rose?”

The voice was familiar, but Rose couldn’t tell who it belonged to. She cleared her throat. “Yeah?” She paused, and then with some guilt, added, "Who is it?"

"It's me.” 

She recognized the intimate tone and relaxed. “Come in.”

The door opened and her Doctor poked his head in, worried eyes roaming over the bathroom before settling on her like he had been worried she might disappear again. 

“The other Doctor went back into the TARDIS, saying something about readings,” he explained. He scratched an ear. “Do you need help?”

Rose shook her head and looked away from him. “I’m just so tired.”

The Doctor entered the bathroom, closing the door behind him. “I know,” he said. He bent down and picked up her clothes. “Come on.”

Rose pushed herself to her feet. “It really wasn’t his fault, you know—the other you,” she said, resting one hand on his shoulder as he helped her out of her swimsuit bottoms. “I wouldn’t even be back here if it wasn’t for him.”

The Doctor made a “hmm” noise in agreement, handing over her knickers. “Must be hard,” he said, with the air of someone trying to sound casual and failing. “Seeing him again.” 

“Yeah,” said Rose, voice sounding dry and scratchy to her own ears. “It is.”

His gaze went to the floor and he handed over her t-shirt, looking listless and hopeless like he expected her to reject him at any moment.

Suddenly finding a burst of energy, she pulled on her t-shirt and shorts before crouching down with him on the floor. She put her arms around him, clinging to the back of his neck. He was tense in her arms, but he slowly relaxed before hugging her back.

“You gonna be alright?” she whispered. 

He pulled away and blinked at her incredulously. “Am I…? Rose, you’re the one that’s—”

He couldn’t finish, and instead he pressed his lips to her forehead, taking in a deep, shuddery breath. 

“You thought I left you.”

He dropped his voice, lips hovering near her ear. “I can’t lose you. I can’t even think about it.”

“I know a thing or two about what that’s like,” she murmured, pulling back to stare at him.

They held each other’s gaze until they heard the TARDIS doors creaking open. The Doctor inclined his head slightly and she nodded. 

He pushed himself to his feet and then held out a hand to help her up. Rose grabbed the Time Lord Doctor’s coat, and followed the Doctor back into the bedroom. 

She felt a heavy awkwardness hang in the air as soon as they left the bathroom. The Time Lord Doctor stood in front of the TARDIS, arms full of papers with scribbles on them.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to interrupt. I’ll—um… that is…”

“It’s all right,” Rose said. “We’ve got work to do.”

He scratched the back of his neck, still looking out of place, and then made a show of shuffling through the papers. “I scanned her five times,” he said. “It’s not a mistake.” He handed a few pieces of paper over to Rose’s Doctor. They both dug around in their pockets before emerging with a pair of glasses, which they each stuck on their noses before peering down at the documents. 

“Multisulpher residue left behind by the residue in the void,” Rose’s Doctor murmured, flipping quickly through the pages. “But that means…”

“Cell degeneration,” the Time Lord Doctor said, also peering down at the documents. 

They both made a “hmm” noise, and then glanced up, seemingly pondering thin air. 

Rose yawned, her eyes beginning to feel heavy. Her head lolled to the side, and she abruptly stood back up, shaking herself. “Here,” she interrupted, holding out the coat. “Better not forget this.”

Both Doctors stared at her in concern, documents frozen in their hands. “Rose?” said her Doctor. “Are you…?”

“Fine,” she said. “I’m fine. Just take this, yeah?”

She handed the coat over to the Time Lord Doctor who shrugged and then put it on. She stared at him for a moment, breath caught in her throat. It did funny things to her insides, seeing him in that suit, wearing that coat. It was like picking at an old and painful scab she’d done her best to heal. 

“I reckon I do need that cuppa,” she said. “Mum’d be proud.” 

They both stared back at her, foreheads crinkled in identical ways, neither of them smiling. 

She rubbed at her arms, feeling chilled. “Just… try not to kill each other, yeah?”

****

Early morning light reflected off the dull floral print wallpaper covering the kitchen’s walls. Rose put on a pot of tea, idly reflecting that their hotel was not the homiest place they’d ever stayed in. Of course, it wasn’t like they had spent much time looking at the décor. And it still beat that month or so they spent in her parents’ house after Bad Wolf Bay. 

The kettle hissed, and she poured a mug of tea, cradling it in her hands as she considered what to do next. 

Call her mum? Definitely not—Jackie would probably rush her off to the world’s most expensive hospital before she could finish saying “void stuff.” And Rose didn’t fancy being locked in some sterile building while Jackie hounded the Doctor and made him feel guilty for what was wrong with her. 

Calling Pete was also out. He’d only tell Jackie, and she’d have the same problem. No, it was better if she kept it quiet for now. There was no need to worry them.

The person she always went to in cases like this was, of course, the Doctor. She glanced towards the bedroom. The door was closed, and she could just make out the whisper of soft voices. But… he wasn’t exactly rational when it came to discussing her impending death. Not that having two of them around made things easier—they almost seemed to be feeding off each other’s worry. 

She took a sip of tea and then pulled out her mobile, dialling a familiar Torchwood number. 

“What do you want?”

“I’m just fine, Owen. Thanks for asking.”

“Look, Rose, I’ve got a lot of work to do—most of us don’t have the next two weeks off to shag on the beach—so if you want something…”

Rose took a deep breath. “I need you to run a blood sample for me.”

There was a pause, and when Owen spoke again, he sounded more interested, “Did you run across something? Alien?”

“No,” she said. “It’s mine.”

“Yours,” Owen repeated slowly. “Why would I—”

“You can find a sample in the infirmary records,” Rose interrupted. “Back from my last physical. I need you to look for signs of cellular degeneration. Tell me anything you can.”

Now Owen sounded even _more_ intrigued. “Cellular degeneration? But that would require _massive_ amounts of energy.”

“Bye, Owen,” Rose said firmly. “Let me know when you get the results.”

“You can’t just push yourself to the front of the queue,” Owen continued, “I’ve got loads to work on down here, and—”

Rose flicked her phone off before Owen could get the rest out. Next, she opened her phonebook, scrolling through until she found the listing for one Stella Huang. She hit the 'call' button.

A cheery voice answered. “Miss Huang’s office. How can I help you?”

“This is Rose Tyler,” said Rose. “I need to speak to Stella.”

“Miss Huang is currently in an important meeting, Miss Tyler,” chirped the receptionist. “Is there anything I can help you with?”

“Yeah,” said Rose. “You can get Stella out of that meeting. I can always take my account somewhere else.”

There was a pause. In a decidedly more frosty tone, the receptionist said, “If you’ll hold the line, Miss Tyler. I’m sure Miss Huang will be delighted to take your call.”

Stella Huang was the Tyler family lawyer. As best as Rose could tell, Pete paid Stella huge sums of money to have dinner with the family once a month and occasionally sign off on some of Pete’s more… delicate items. Rose thought it was all a bit posh, having their own lawyer, but Stella had pulled through when it came to establishing real identifies for her and Jackie, and then the Doctor a few years later. 

Stella was cool, professional, and good at what she did. She also owed more than half her income to the Tyler family, payment that Rose thought she should earn.

“Miss Tyler,” said Stella's crisp voice on the other end of the line. “What can I help you with?” 

For a moment, Rose froze, wondering if she could go through with it. Then she shook her head and said, “I need… a will. I need to make a will.”

Why hadn’t she done this before now? The line of work she was in didn’t exactly have the highest life expectancy. Of course, writing out a will would have meant owning up to the dangers in her life, and she and the Doctor didn’t like thinking about that. 

“Of course,” said Stella briskly. “Why don’t we set up an appointment—”

“No,” Rose said. “No appointment. I want everything to go to the Doctor. Every savings account in my name, government bond, piece of real estate—everything.”

There was a pause. Then, “Miss Tyler, your family—”

“Have got plenty,” Rose said. She didn’t want to add that her mum was likely to throw a fit once she learned why Rose was dying. She didn’t think Jackie might try and cut the Doctor out of the Tyler fortune, but she had to be sure. “I want… I need to know he’ll be looked after.”

Her voice caught and she froze, leaning back against the kitchen counter. He’d scoff at the idea that money meant being looked after. But it _was_ important. The Doctor didn’t have a clue how important money was to living a human life. She’d been the one paying the bills and cashing in his paycheques. 

“If that’s what you want,” said Stella.

“It is,” Rose said. “I need this locked in, Stella. As soon as possible.”

“I’ll have it ready today,” said Stella. “You’ll have to come in and sign the paperwork, of course.”

“I want this settled now. Fax it.” Rose gave her the line to their hotel room and then flipped her phone shut. 

She leaned back against the counter again and closed her eyes. Her head rested heavily against the kitchen cabinets. She was so tired. If she just rested for a bit, maybe she’d feel ready to…

Her mobile buzzed. She jerked to attention and snatched if off the counter.

“Hello?”

“Rose.” It was Owen. “I ran your blood sample through the computer. Twice.”

Rose squeezed her eyes shut, certain she knew what was coming. “And?”

He almost sounded apologetic. “Your cells _are_ breaking down—exponentially it seems. It’s only going to get worse. How do you feel now? Any symptoms? Are you bleeding from your orifices yet?”

“Orifices?” Rose repeated. She frowned, pushing away the sudden disturbing image. “Is there any way to stop it?”

“Nope!” came the cheerful reply. “I’m working out some drugs now. Hang on—” their connection crackled, and then he came back on the line. “I’m going to put you on a regime of painkillers. You might not even feel a thing.”

Rose grit her teeth. “ _Or_ you could keep looking for a way to stop it.”

“Of course,” said Owen. “But unless modern science finds some way to regenerate dying cells, there’s no—”

Rose flipped her phone shut with a start, suddenly fully awake. _Regenerate_. Her gaze snapped to the bedroom door. She hadn’t heard a peep from the Doctors since leaving them alone. 

Her phone buzzed—Owen again—but she turned it off and returned it to her pocket. Then she marched over to the bedroom, wrenching the door open without knocking. 

The two Doctors were whispering furiously to each other, heads bent over papers spread out on the bed. The bedroom door slammed into the other side of the wall and they both looked up, mouths’ dropping open when they caught sight of her. 

“Rose…?” began the Doctor. 

The Time Lord Doctor avoided her gaze, confirming Rose’s suspicions. “You’ve got a plan to save me,” Rose said. “You just didn’t want to tell me.”

The Doctors glanced at each other. Finally, the Time Lord Doctor cleared his throat. “It wasn’t a plan… as such. More a vague idea. Needed him—” he pointed to his double “—to help work out the details.”

Rose’s arms shook and she balled her hands into fists at her side. “I won’t let you.”

“It’s the only way,” said the Doctor in blue. “Rose. Please.”

She swung her gaze over to him. “Easy for you to say! You’re not the one who has to die!”

He flinched. “If I could, I would, Rose. Every time.”

“Well, that’s beside the point, isn’t it?” said the Time Lord Doctor mildly. “It’s my decision to make. Now we’ve just got to work out the details, hmm?”

“No,” said Rose. “It doesn’t work like that. I’m not… I won’t have you dying for me. Not again.”

“I'm not going to die, I'm going to regenerate.”

“Yeah, and how exactly are you going to do that if I’m getting all your regeneration energy?”

There was a pause. The Doctors looked at each other. 

“We were just working that out, actually,” said the Doctor in blue. He tugged at one ear. “As long as you don’t take it all…”

“I should be fine,” said the Time Lord dismissively. “No problemo.”

“Rubbish!” said Rose. “You’re talking about ending your life for mine.”

“Well, there are worse ways to go, aren’t there?”

Rose made a scoffing noise and then spun around to face her Doctor. “You can’t seriously be thinking about letting him do this, are you?” 

He swallowed and then looked away. The silence more than answered her question. 

“Well,” she said, voice beginning to shake. “You can forget it. I’m not gonna spend the rest of my life knowing I ended yours. Find another way.”

The Time Lord Doctor shook his head. “There is no other way.”

“Then I’m going to die,” Rose said bluntly. 

His eyes darkened and he took a step towards her. Rose’s heart jumped and she instinctively stepped back, watching him carefully. He’d tricked her back home to “safety” too many times when they were traveling together for her to fully trust him. 

“There _is_ another way,” a quiet voice cut in. 

The Time Lord Doctor paused and turned his gaze on his duplicate, still sitting on the bed. He had his legs crossed, glasses on, and stared thoughtfully off into space. 

“Doctor?” Rose prompted. She rubbed her sweaty palms against her thighs. “What is it?”

“There are ways besides a regeneration to change your cellular makeup.” He frowned. “We don’t even need the regeneration energy at all—just need to set your cells back to zero.” 

“Right,” said the Time Lord Doctor in frustration. “And just how are we going to… oh.”

The two Doctors stared at each other, clearly thinking along the same wavelength. Rose glanced back and forth between them. 

“ _What_?”

“Chameleon Arch,” said the Time Lord Doctor. “It’s this… this thing—” 

“It changes a Time Lord into a human,” continued Rose’s Doctor. “Re-writes your biology. Starts you right back at the beginning. Square one.”

Rose’s head was beginning to spin. She braced her weight against the doorframe. “But… how’s that going to work on me? I’m not a Time Lord.” 

The Time Lord Doctor shrugged. “It can be modified, of course. Changed to re-write Rose Tyler into Rose Tyler. You can’t turn a human into a Time Lord, of course, but a human into a human?”

“Should work,” added the other Doctor. “Except…”

The Doctors were looking at each other again. Rose wished they’d stop doing that. She was beginning to feel left out. 

The Time Lord Doctor nodded to himself before turning back to Rose. “It hurts.”

“Oh,” Rose whispered.

“And there could be side-effects,” continued the Time Lord Doctor. “Paralysis—brain damage... any number of consequences.”

“That’s why we’ve got to work quickly,” said Rose’s Doctor. He stood up and folded his glasses back into his pocket. He looked at Rose. “That is… if you want to try this.”

“Doesn’t really sound like a barrel of laughs, does it?” Rose said. “Having your biology re-written. Is it… quick?”

Her Doctor gave her a strained smile. “No.”

“Course not,” Rose mumbled. “All right, then. Let’s do it.”

He smiled at her, but the Time Lord Doctor cleared his throat. “I’ll make the adjustments. Door’s open when you’re ready.”

He pulled the TARDIS doors open and disappeared inside, leaving Rose and her Doctor alone. The Doctor’s eyes lingered on the TARDIS long after the Time Lord disappeared inside. 

Rose drew in a breath and came up beside him. “It’s weird for you, isn’t?” she said, studying his profile. “Having the TARDIS in your head again?”

“Yeah,” he said. Then, “Don’t worry about me.”

“Can’t help it,” Rose said. She held up her ring finger. “I took a vow. And it’s not just any ship, Doctor. It’s the _TARDIS_.” 

“Yeah,” he said again, directing his gaze on her like she was the most amazing thing he’d ever seen. It was a look that always made her heart thump faster.

She reached for his hand. “I always thought,” Rose began, “that if I… when I died, it’d be like the Beast said. In battle. Defending the Earth. But this…”

“Rose, you’re not—”

“I might.” 

“Stop it.”

“We should talk about it.”

“You’re _not_ going to die.” He dropped her hand and moved towards the TARDIS. “Come on, we’ve got to do this now. Before you get any weaker.”

“ _Doctor_ ,” she said. She moved around him and planted herself between him and the TARDIS. He blinked at her incredulously, eyebrows rising. “I’m not going in there until…”

“Until what?” 

She recognized his no-second-chances tone of voice and posture, but she’d heard it enough times to know when it was just a defence mechanism. “Until I know that you’re going to be all right.”

“ _All right_?” he repeated slowly and sceptically. “Rose, what on Earth about this situation is _all right_?”

She felt like crying, but she forced herself to say, “It’s like you told me once, yeah? Have a fantastic life.”

He looked away. “Stop it.”

“I know he’s got the TARDIS, but... you, you’ve got people in your life that love you,” she babbled. “Mum and Dad and Tony… they’re your family now, yeah? Even if I’m gone. And one day it’ll stop hurting so much, and you’ll remember how much you like it, this daft human life.”

“You’re not going to die. I won’t let it.”

“I know, but I just... I just want to make sure that you’re going to be okay.”

Her voice cracked over the last word and the fight seemed to go out of him. “I’ll do my best.”

Rose reckoned that was as good as she was going to get. “Okay. Thanks.”

He pushed one of the TARDIS doors open and then reached behind him, waiting for her to grasp his hand. “Coming?”

Rose hesitated, and then heard a vibrating noise in the living room. “You go on,” she said. “There’s just one thing I’ve gotta do first.”

“What’s that?”

“Use the loo,” she lied. “I’ll be right there, yeah?”

She could tell the Doctor didn’t quite buy her excuse, but he disappeared inside the TARDIS. Rose waited until he was gone and then headed for the living room.

Stella had sent her a copy of the will. Rose pulled it out of the fax machine and quickly scanned it. Then, hands shaking, she signed her name before sending it back.

That settled, there wasn’t anything left for her to do. She let her eyes sweep over their hotel room one more time—taking in the gaudy wallpaper and the deep blue outside the window. Then she straightened her shoulders and marched back to the TARDIS.

****

Both Doctors looked over when she entered the TARDIS, the door creaking shut behind her. The Doctor in brown was over by the pilot’s seat, fiddling with a device Rose assumed was the Chameleon Arch. Her eyes drifted over to the Doctor in blue. She smiled fondly as he pushed and pulled at devices on the console, murmuring under his breath as lights danced across the vidscreen. 

He caught Rose’s gaze and returned her smile. “She still recognizes me,” he said. “I mean, she knows I’m not _him_ —” he jerked his head towards his other self. “But she still knows it’s me.”

“Of course she does,” said the Time Lord Doctor. “She’s a TARDIS. Your TARDIS. Well, my TARDIS.”

“How’s it going?” Rose interrupted before the Doctors could get more confusing. “That’s the… Chameleon Arch thing?”

“Yup! Nearly there.” The Time Lord Doctor flicked off the sonic screwdriver and set the Chameleon Arch down on the pilot’s seat. “Just need to make a few modifications to the TARDIS—”

“Done,” called the Doctor. “It only needed a harmonization loop to reconfigure her settings.” He clucked his tongue. “It’s been a while since I’ve been able to do that. Brilliant, isn’t it?”

“Right,” said the Time Lord Doctor, looking like he didn’t quite know how to handle his other self’s presence in the TARDIS. “Rose—”

“Yeah?” she said with a smirk. It was cute when he was flustered. 

He jerked his head towards the pilot’s chair. “We’re all set.”

Rose approached him and then gingerly sat down. “Okay, what now?”

The Doctor gestured at the Chameleon Arch. “This goes on your head.” 

Rose eyed the Chameleon Arch with distrust. It looked like something out of _Back to the Future_. It was hard to believe that it had been on the TARDIS all this time. Where on earth had he been keeping it? 

“Bit retro looking, isn’t it?” she said.

There were shocked gasps from both the Doctors.

“Retro?!” said the Time Lord Doctor. “Rose, this is _Time Lord technology_.”

Near the console, the other Doctor nodded solemnly, obviously in full agreement with this ringing endorsement. 

“Okay,” Rose said. “Guess we better get started, then.”

The Time Lord Doctor hesitated, but then picked up the Chameleon Arch. Rose closed her eyes as he placed it on her head. It wasn’t as heavy as she was expecting, but it was awkward. She felt constrained and secured into place. 

The Doctor’s fingers brushed her temples. “All right?”

“Yeah,” Rose said. She opened her eyes, and sought out the Doctor behind him. He’d stopped fiddling with the console and now watched her with a grave look in his eyes. She forced a smile and gave him a thumb’s up.

He didn’t smile back. Rose felt some of her confidence dip. 

“There we go!” said the Time Lord Doctor, straightening. “You ready?”

“Yeah.” She clenched her fingers around the edge of the pilot’s seat. 

“Right, then! Allons-y,” said the Time Lord Doctor cheerfully. He bounded over to the console, pulling down on buttons and pushing levers. 

Her Doctor still looked tense and on edge. And how could she really blame him? He was the one with the ring on. The other Doctor still cared about her, but he’d lost her a long time ago. 

She met her Doctor’s eyes and swallowed, trying not to let on how nervous she was. Something in his eyes softened. “I love you,” he called. 

At the console, the Time Lord Doctor stilled, his hand hovering over a lever. 

Rose ignored him, focusing on her Doctor. “I love you.”

They held each other’s eyes for a few more moments and then he turned to his counterpart. “Do it.”

The other Doctor nodded and then pulled up on the lever.


	3. Chapter 3

It wasn’t long before Rose’s body jerked and she began to scream.

The Doctor braced one hand up against the column, his breath becoming shallower. For a few horrible seconds, the TARDIS seemed to melt away from him and he was left with nothing but Rose’s screams and the sounds of his own laboured breathing.

His other self managed the settings on his own, keeping track of Rose’s vitals in the vidscreen and making adjustments as the process continued. And he… he stayed where he was, frozen, unable to look away from where Rose was fighting for her life—on her own.

He admired the other man’s restraint—could understand it, even. It wasn’t too long ago that he had been the same man. It wasn’t that the Time Lord didn’t care. No, it wasn’t that at all. But he could push away his feelings and focus on the task at hand. But as a human—as Rose’s _partner_ , he found he couldn’t quite manage the same switch.

Rose’s spasms became more pronounced and she fell to the floor, pulling her knees to her chest, where she continued to writhe and whimper.

He pressed the palms of his hands to his eyes, but he could still hear her. The temptation to go to her—to force them to do this another way—was overwhelming.

“Oi,” said a voice, pulling him back to the present. It was his other self, looking irritated. “Will you make sure the stabilizer field is doing its job?”

“Yeah,” he said, snapping to attention. He pulled the vidscreen towards him, and focused on the readings. “It’s working—her cells are beginning to mutate.”

“Right back to the beginning,” said his duplicate. He ran a hand through his hair and then swung around next to the Doctor. “You all right?”

The Doctor kept his gaze on the vidscreen. “No,” he snapped. “You?”

His other self didn’t reply at first. Then he swung around from the vidcreen and back to the console. “She’ll live, Doctor. I’ll get her through this.”

“Yeah,” he said.

 _I believe in her_ , he thought suddenly, with a pang. He chanced a glance at his duplicate’s profile. The other Doctor was tense, his jaw clenched tightly together, but he gave nothing away. He wondered if the same thought passed through the other Doctor’s mind or if the years had dulled his memories of Rose and if he let her fade away with the rest of his companions. Their names and faces were enough to bring a smile to his face, but they always, _always_ stayed where they were—in the past.

He couldn’t imagine letting Rose fade—of pushing her so far away the memory no longer hurt him. Maybe he could have once, a long time ago. But learning to live as a human had changed him. He couldn’t stand the idea of letting _any_ of their time together fade.

He suddenly felt so utterly _sorry_ for his other self. He’s spent years worrying that Rose was still pining for the Time Lord or might not see him as good enough, and all that time, the other Doctor was still out there travelling on his own, never letting anyone in. He might have had the TARDIS, but what good was all of time and space without someone to share it with?

No, he’d been wrong, feeling like he was living in the shadow of his other self. It was his duplicate who gave everything up and had to go on.

“Doctor—” he began before stopping himself. What could he possibly suggest? That they share Rose? That the other Doctor stay in this world? Or that they go travelling with him in his? He couldn’t just volunteer to divide Rose up like that. And… and, anyway, they had a life and a relationship together. He pitied his other self, but not enough to suddenly put his relationship with Rose into jeopardy.

But before he could continue, the TARDIS emitted a shrill alarm and they both jumped to attention. His duplicate swung the vidscreen around and peered into it, digging out his glasses. The Doctor looked past him, his gaze settling on the grating where Rose was lying. She was on her side, her hair tangled in the Chameleon arch and in the floor. He watched her chest move steadily up and down, but otherwise she was still and silent.

“What’s happened?”

“Complication,” muttered his duplicate. He pushed down the lever to stop the Chameleon Arch and then peered into the vidscreen again. “We’ve got to keep going.”

The Doctor moved towards Rose before he could stop himself, but his duplicate’s reflexes were faster. His arm shot out, blocking his path to Rose. “She’s unconscious,” he whispered. “If we keep going...”

“If we don’t keep going, she dies,” said the Time Lord flatly. He looked over. “You’ve got to keep it together.”

“I can control myself.”

“Good,” said his duplicate. “Now try reversing it a few minutes. We’re going to try that last bit again.”

He returned to the console, feeling some resentment at following the other Doctor’s directions. He was perfectly capable of coming up with the same solution, if he could just _think_...

“Turn it back on,” he told his other self.

The other Doctor nodded, pulling down on the lever. Rose’s body jerked and twitched, but she didn’t scream or moan. He almost wished she would—just so he would know that she was still there, still fighting.

“She’s hurt her left side,” the other Doctor said quietly. “Her wrist is under a lot of strain—” There was a snapping noise, like the cracking of a whip. His duplicate winced. “Her wrist is broken.”

“The infirmary can fix that,” said the Doctor sharply.

“She’ll be sore for a few days, but right now we have to watch out for dehydration…” Something on the console dinged and he snapped to attention. “Oh-ho, here we go. That should just about do it.”

He released the lever, Rose’s body jerking a few times before stilling. Without another word, the Doctor ran to her side, crouching down next to her.

First he took off the Chameleon arch, gently sliding off the side and forehead straps before untangling it from her hair. She stirred, muttering incoherently.

“Shh,” he said, smoothing a hand over her forehead, “it’s me.”

She settled down again, and he placed the Chameleon Arch a few feet away from her. Then he combed his fingers through her hair, working out the tangles and tucking loose strands behind her ear.

Finally, he cradled her in his arms and her head lolled against his shoulder. He pushed himself to his feet, back protesting as he did so. Blimey, he didn’t remember getting back aches as a Time Lord.

His other self watched him carefully from the console. “Need help?”

“Nope.” Trying not to let onto how tired his arms were, he said. “We’re… uh, headed to the infirmary. Are you coming?”

His other self’s eyes jumped to Rose, gaze softening. “Can’t. I’ve got… I’d better recalibrate her. Return trip back to another universe and all. Infirmary’s all yours.”

He felt a stir of pity for his other self again. “Right.”

“And Doctor?” continued his duplicate. “You’ll want to scan for brain damage.”

He stilled, and then forced himself to say, “You don’t really think...?”

“Rose is a human, not a Time Lord,” said his other self. “We both knew this was a risk.”

He didn’t answer. Instead, he gathered Rose up closely, making his way to the infirmary as quickly as he could.

****

Once in the infirmary, he set her down, smoothing his hand over her hair before he went to work. He grabbed the thermo-regenerator, using it to repair her broken wrist. Next he dug out his glasses and attached an IV, setting a steady drip to keep her hydrated. Finally, he scanned her with the sonic screwdriver, checking twice to make sure he hadn’t missed anything.

Then he stood back, shoving his hands in his pockets, his eyes sweeping over her body. Her breathing was steady, her heart rate normal.

Scan for brain damage, his other self had said. He took a deep breath and then pulled out the brain scanner. He waved it over her head, watching the readings closely. Her brain activity spiked all over the place, far above normal. _Something_ was going on in her head.

He shut the scanner off and gazed at her. She looked so peaceful. Whatever she was going through at the moment, there was little he could do to help.

He looked around the infirmary, gaze finally landing on a battered armchair. He dragged it over to her beside before collapsing into it and reaching for her hand. His thumb idly swept over the back of her hand.

Had it only been a day since he’d bounded out to the beach to find that Rose had gone missing? Everything since then had happened so quickly.

He remembered with some shame how willing he’d been for the other Doctor to sacrifice his life for Rose, and how he hadn’t been able to stop that small twinge of jealousy when she’d begged him not to. But she didn’t know what it had been like for him, first to find her abandoned belongings on the beach, then when he’d picked up residue from the other universe on the sonic screwdriver…

They’d been on their _honeymoon_. And all that time... Rose had been fighting a battle for her own body. Right in front of him and he hadn’t even known.

Rose stirred, snapping him out of his musings. His fingers instinctively squeezed her hand. “Rose?” he whispered, voice sounding like crunching glass.

Her eyes fluttered open and she blinked fuzzily around. “Where am I?”

“In the infirmary,” he said. His heart thudded heavily in his chest. _Was she..._? He leaned over her, his free hand smoothing over her forehead. “It went well, Rose. Really, really well.”

She glanced at where their hands were still entwined and then back at his face. Her brow furrowed. “We’re on the TARDIS.”

“Yeah,” he said. He tightened his grip on her hand. “It was the only way to save you.”

She blinked at him in sleepy confusion. “Save me?”

His fingers combed through her hair. “We used the Chameleon Arch to rewrite your cells. You were brilliant. You...”

But she was staring at him blankly, forehead scrunching together like his words made no sense to her.

“What’s the last thing you remember?”

“I don’t....” She closed her eyes, breathing in through pursed lips. “You and me, we were stuck on that space station... thing.”

His stomach plummeted. In a controlled voice, he said, “Space station?”

“Yeah,” said Rose. She frowned like the memory was just out of reach. “We were trapped... underneath a black hole with no way out.”

“Krop Tor,” he whispered, a bead of sweat trickling down his back. “That’s it? That’s... all you remember?”

“Yeah,” said Rose. “It’s like... it’s like I _know_ something should be there, but it just stops.” She opened her eyes, suddenly nervous. “What happened to me?”

He smoothed back her hair. “Nothing. It’s all right now. You’re safe.”

Rose obviously didn’t believe him. She released his hand and struggled to sit up. “How long have I been out for? How did you get the TARDIS back?”

“I...”

He trailed off and stared at her in mute silence, fighting a growing sense of unease. What could he say? ‘ _Oh, right. Krop Tor. Well, a few months later we got separated, but you came back, and then I left you on a beach with my duplicate—me, by the way—and now we’re married. Happy anniversary!_ ’

No, he decided. Better to lie. There was a chance that those memories could still come back and the last thing he wanted to do was put her under any more stress.

“It was the black hole,” he said hurriedly. “It, um—it shorted out everything. Knocked you lot unconscious. Luckily for me, they were almost finished drilling. So I went down on my own, found the TARDIS, and brought you back here.”

He finished his story with his most charming smile, hoping she wouldn’t ask any questions about the details.

She chewed on her bottom lip. “You went down there? All on your own?”

“Yeah,” he said. “But it worked out in the end, didn’t it? I’m just glad that you’re all right.”

Her eyes flew over to his and then she hurriedly looked away again. Was she... blushing? Krop Tor. _Right_. That was almost a decade ago for them.

His eyes ticked to his wedding ring, and then the matching band on Rose’s finger. They’d always been close, but “happily married” was still a long way off when they’d been stuck on Krop Tor. He hastily drew his hand back from her hair, and then scratched the back of his neck, trying to appear unconcerned.

He forced an easy grin, hoping Rose was too preoccupied to notice their rings. “Any lasting affects? Nausea? Pain in the lower back?”

But Rose was staring at him. “Since when do you wear blue?”

He blinked. “What?”

“Your suit,” she said, eyes sweeping him up and down. She swallowed and then raised her eyes to meet his. “It’s blue.”

“Oh, this?” he glanced at himself. “Rose, even I sometimes have to do a wash.”

“It’s not just that, though,” she said. “You _seem_ different—like you’re... older or something.”

He made an effort to sound nonchalant. “Why, thank you.”

“I didn’t mean...” she began. She paused, thinking. “It just... it feels like something is wrong. I dunno, I...”

She trailed off like she’d lost her train of thought. “Rose,” he pressed. “What’s wrong?”

She pressed a hand to the side of her face. “Head hurts a bit.” She paused. “Okay, it hurts a _lot_. It’s like I’m spinning at a million miles an hour and I can’t...”

Rose closed her eyes, face screwing up in pain. He jumped to his feet, surveying the infirmary. If he could just _give_ her something...

“Rose,” he said urgently, “I don’t know what to do for you. We’ve never used the Chameleon Arch on a human before, but...” He scrubbed his hand over his face. “I’ll think of something. I promise.”

She didn’t reply, and he looked down to find her staring at him. She looked wan and tired, but her gaze was focused and alert.

“Doctor?” she said hesitantly.

“Yeah?”

She flinched. “Oh,” she said. “It’s still weird—seeing this you.” She looked around. “Are we back on the TARDIS?”

“Infirmary,” he confirmed, heart giving a slow, painful throb.

“I thought we were gonna spend some time at Mum’s,” she said, yawning again. “It’s Christmas.”

“Christmas?” he repeated. “Christmas, you think it’s... Christmas! That’s right. This is what happens when you have too much turkey, Rose Tyler.”

“Your voice sounds weird,” she said sleepily, eyes closing. She mumbled, “Still wish you could change back…” and then she turned her face into the pillow, breaths evening out.

He sank back down into the armchair, burying his face in his hands.

*****

The Doctor was dozing.

Some part of him was vaguely aware that his neck was beginning to seize up. But he was _exhausted_ \--this human body didn’t last like a Time Lord’s did. It was slowing him down, making it harder to think.

If he could just _think_ \--if he just stopped and worked through the problem, maybe then he could help Rose.

 _Rose_.

Some of the fog cleared from his mind and he jerked awake, gaze jumping around the room. TARDIS. Infirmary. They were back on the TARDIS and Rose was...

“What’s going on?”

He whipped around at the voice, gaze falling on Rose. She was staring at him with wide, disbelieving eyes. She scrambled to sit up, tugging at the covers like they were a shield. “Where am I?!” she demanded. “Who the _hell_ are you? This isn’t funny.”

The Doctor reminded himself that human brains were sensitive and unpredictable—even if she didn’t remember him _now_ , that didn’t mean anything. It didn’t mean he couldn’t still get her back.

“Rose,” he began, slowly and carefully. “You’re on the TARDIS.”

She shook her head, tears springing into her eyes. “I can’t be...” she whispered, some of her bravado faltering. She cleared her throat and then said, “No, this is some sort of trap. And believe me, this is the _last_ thing you should have tried.”

“Trap?” he repeated in confusion. “No, no, no. It’s not a trap. You were hurt, I brought you back here. I’m trying to help you.” He paused and then added, “Rose, it’s me.”

“You can’t be.” But she sounded less convinced. She clenched the blanket with both her hands, studying him quietly. Her eyes widened. “Doctor?”

“Oh, yes,” he said. “Were you expecting someone else?”

“Oh my god,” she whispered, breathing out a long sigh. “Oh my god— _Doctor_.”

The last was uttered over a chocked sob and she reached for him, flinging her arms around his neck and dragging him on top of her. He hugged her back, trying to mask his confusion.

“I’m dreaming, yeah?” Rose said. She pulled away and managed a wide, brilliant smile. “ _Got_ to be a dream. A nice dream, though. A really....” she trailed off, smile fading. Her eyes deepened with sadness and he felt a pang of concern.

“It’s not a dream.”

She looked away. “You’re the one that said—travel between parallel worlds is impossible.”

 _Oh_ , he thought, mouth falling open. _Oh_. “Rose,” he said, heart breaking for her. He opened his arms again, gathering her up closely. “I’m here, I promise. Really, really am.”

She sniffed against his shoulder. “You can’t be.”

“Listen to me,” he cut in gently, leaning back to peer into her face. “I’m here. You’re on the TARDIS.”

Rose closed her eyes, breathing in through pursed and dry lips. “Feels like the TARDIS,” she whispered. “You feel like you.”

“Yeah,” he said thickly. His thoughts jumped to their reunion on that abandoned, Dalek battered street in London. Running down the street, feeling like the universe was actually giving him something back for a change.... only so that Dalek could muck it up.

This was his second chance, he realized. A chance at being able to do it _right_.

“Rose—listen,” he said urgently. He had a feeling she could be gone again at any moment. “There’s something I have to tell you.”

Her gaze flew to his. “What do you mean?”

“Last time, on the beach... I never did finish that sentence, did I?”

“Right,” she said slowly. “Now I know I’m dreaming.”

He smiled gently at her, but said sincerely, “Rose Tyler, I love you.”

A slow smile spread across her face and then she flung one arm around his neck and kissed him. He _loved_ when he got that reaction.

When she pulled away, she was blushing and her eyes were shining. “Quite right, too!” she chirped. He snickered, but then she said, “So come on, then! How did you get here? Last thing I remember, Mickey and I were chasing a Weevil through the sewer system.”

“Lovely,” he said, pulling a face. Rose giggled, but watched him carefully, obviously waiting for an answer. He decided to take a wild stab in the dark. “I sensed your... what is it? Dimensional beacon?”

“Cannon,” Rose said. Her forehead crinkled as she thought. “Dimensional cannon, yeah. But we’ve just barely got it going. Torchwood’s best scientists say it will be ages before it will be fully functional.”

He tried to think of an explanation that would sound reasonable, but nothing came. He opened his mouth, hesitating, when Rose reached up, resting her hand on his chest.

He drew in a sharp breath. “Rose?”

“Your heartbeat,” she said slowly. “It’s weird.”

“How do you mean?”

“There’s only....” but before she could finish, her eyes scrunched together and she cradled her head in her hands.

“Rose? What’s wrong?”

“My head,” she said. “Did something happen to me?”

“Rose,” he said, “I’m going to sort this out. Whatever’s happening to you, I’m going to sort it out.”

She closed her eyes, falling heavily back against her pillow. He words were slurred, “Figures there would be some sort of catch to finding you again.”

“Don’t say that.”

But she’d already fallen back to sleep. He watched her quietly, fighting his own exhaustion. Whatever struggle was happening inside her own mind, he wanted to make sure he would be there every time she woke up.

****

The sounds of approaching footsteps broke the quiet hum of Rose’s breathing and the Doctor turned, eyes falling on his duplicate hovering in the doorway.

The other Doctor held out a sandwich and a cup of tea. “It’s not very fancy,” he said. “Peanut butter and jam. Well, mostly peanut butter. I’m running low on jam. Tea’s still warm, though. Hungry?”

“Starved,” said the Doctor. He crossed to the other Doctor’s side, taking hold of the tea and sandwich. “Thanks,” he mumbled.

His duplicate nodded vaguely, looking past him and settling his gaze on Rose. “How is she?”

“The same. Worse. I dunno.” He took a bite of the sandwich. “If there was some way... if I could get inside her head...”

“You might make it worse,” said his duplicate firmly. He scratched the back of his neck, thinking. “This is Rose’s battle now. She’ll pull through.”

“Yeah,” he swallowed and then took a gulp of tea.

“I can sit with her,” offered the other Doctor after a pause. “If you want to get some rest.”

“No,” he said quickly. “If she wakes up soon and she—I should be here.”

He couldn’t tell if the other Doctor was relieved or disappointed. “Just... look after yourself, will you?” He frowned. “Not exactly as young as I used to be, am I? You _know_ , the TARDIS has something that could help with the grey hairs. I’ve never used it myself, but—”

“Oh, thanks very much,” he said. He took another bite of sandwich and chewed with extra vehemence. “Really? I’m going grey? All ready?”

“Just... just near the ears,” said his duplicate.

The Doctor gulped down half the tea, spluttering when it scorched his throat. “I suppose I thought I’d have more time,” he managed, eyes watering.

His duplicate smiled mysteriously, but Rose moaned, shifting to her side. Wordlessly, the Doctor handed his empty teacup back to his duplicate and then resumed his place at Rose’s side. He took her hand, thumb rubbing circles over the back of her hand. Rose’s brow furrowed but she didn’t wake up.

“She’s dreaming,” said his duplicate. “That’s good.”

The Doctor reached out, smoothing his finger over her brow. Rose shifted, but didn’t wake up. He wished there was something more he could do for her than hold her hand.

“Maybe,” he said heavily.

****

Time passed.

As a Time Lord, he could break down time into minutes, into seconds, into nanoseconds. He never lost any of it.

Now... he had an ordinary sense of time, a _human’s_ sense of time. He stared off into space, thoughts jumbled and messy. A book on human brain disorders (written in the twenty-third century after humans began experimenting with alien technology) sat open in his lap, but he’d barely scanned it.

Rose’s hand suddenly grabbed his fingers and he looked over to find her blinking awake. She yawned and then stared fuzzily at him before yanking her hand back.

He frowned. “Rose, what...?”

“Get away from me!” Rose yelled, backing into the wall.

He stood up so quickly, the book thudded heavily to the floor. “Now, there’s no need to panic—”

But Rose’s eyes fell on the IV line in her arm and it seemed to strengthen her resolve. “Who are you? What are you doing to me?”

“No, Rose—don’t!” he tried before she ripped the IV out of her arm. She threw off her covers and pushed herself to her feet.

“Who are you?” she demanded again. “Where’s the Doctor?”

“The—” he began. “What?”

“Tell me right now! What have you done to him? Where _is_ he? I’m warning you, if you’ve hurt him...!”

“I haven’t done anything with him!” he said. Rose set her jaw, looking furious, so he tried another track. “It’s me. I’m the Doctor—it’s me.”

She obviously wasn’t expecting that answer. She stared at him uncomprehendingly before shaking her head. “I’m not completely stupid. Just tell me where he is.” Her voice wavered over the last word, giving away how very frightened she was.

He felt a rush of competing emotions—he felt guilty for frightening her, but proud of how very brave she was. “Rose, take a look around you. Look familiar?”

She hesitated and then followed his instructions—eyes falling on the familiar organic pattern of the walls and the grating on the floor.

“We can’t be,” she whispered. She backed up, edging towards the door. “This—it’s some sort of trick or illusion or—” Without another word, she shot out the door and took off down the hall, bare feet pounding against the floor.

“Rose!” he yelled before chasing after her. He followed her to the console room and she came to a sudden stop, staring at the room in wide-eyed disbelief.

Her gaze swung around over to his. “We’re in the TARDIS.”

“Yeah,” he said heavily.

She backed up, stumbled, and then regained her footing. She circled the console, doing her best to keep distance between them. He shoved his hands in his pockets, trying to seem as nonthreatening as possible.

“What _is_ this?” she whispered. “Where’s the Doctor?”

“Right here.”

Her face crumpled and she shook her head. “No. I don’t believe you.”

“Time Lords, we have this trick,” he said, speaking quickly. “It’s called regeneration. When we die, we change all the cells in our body. We become someone new.”

“Stop it... just stop it,” she said. She braced one hand on the console. “You’re not him. You can’t be.”

“Rose, it’s me,” he said gently. He cautiously took a few steps forward.

She pressed her free hand to her head, eyes squinting. “My head,” she said, breathing in deeply. “What the _hell_ have you done to me?”

“You’ve been... in an accident,” he said urgently. “I need to bring you back to the infirmary. Listen, it’s causing this sort of... this amnesia. I’m asking you to just trust me—trust that it _is_ me.”

“I can’t do that.”

He groaned, but then said, “Do you remember the year five billion? Dickens and zombies in the basement? Or how about the Slitheen in Downing Street, trapped in that room with Harriet Jones? And Utah—2012, Henry van Statten collected something old and dangerous and too much for him to handle? Do you remember all that, Rose? ‘Cos I do.”

She stared at him, eyes wide and unblinking. “How do you know all that?”

“I’m the Doctor.”

“Oh god.” Her knees buckled and she slid to the floor.

In a flash, he was by her side. He crouched down in front of her. “Rose, whatever’s happened to you, I’ll sort it out. I promise.” She still looked weary, so he held out a hand. “Come with me.”

Then he heard footsteps behind him. The Doctor’s heart stuttered. He twisted his head around in time to see his duplicate come to a sudden stop.

He heard Rose gasp and then she shoved at his shoulders. “Get away from me,” she said. He stayed frozen. “I SAID, GET AWAY.”

He scrambled to his feet, almost tripping in his haste to back up. He sent his duplicate an annoyed look.

“Oops,” mouthed the other Doctor, looking sheepish.

“Tell me what’s going on!” Rose said. “TELL ME RIGHT NOW.”

“Excellent question,” said his duplicate. “What _is_ going on?”

“She doesn’t remember me,” said the Doctor. “The regeneration.”

“Ah,” said the other Doctor after a pause.

“Oh, thanks,” he muttered. “That’s a help.”

“Well,” said his duplicate thoughtfully, “have you tried explaining—”

“Of course I did, I’m not completely useless.”

“WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?” Rose yelled. “You let me go. LET ME GO RIGHT NOW.”

As she finished, her eyes rolled up in her head and she pitched forward, grappling to hold onto the console behind her.

“Rose!” they both yelled, running to her.

The Doctor reached her side at the same time as his duplicate. He elbowed his other self out of the way and lowered himself to the grating next to Rose. Very gently, he cradled Rose’s head in his lap, stroking her hair.

She stirred and then moaned.

“Rose?” he said, feeling a burning sensation in his eyes. “Rose, please wake up.”

His duplicate sent him a long look, his silent apology evident in his expression.

“Rose, please,” he tried again. He felt like he was holding on by a thin rope. “Wake up.”

Her eyes fluttered open. She blinked at him, then looked around the console room. Her gaze slid over to the other Doctor and her breath caught.

Her next words sent a chill down his spine. “You came back.”

The Doctor’s eyes jumped to his duplicate, but his expression gave nothing away.

“How do you mean?” said his other self gently.

“You and Donna, you just... you turned around and you left. You didn’t even say goodbye.”

Her voice cracked over the last word. The other Doctor closed his eyes, drawing in a sharp breath.

 _Bad Wolf Bay_ , he realized with a jolt. She was back on Bad Wolf Bay.

His duplicate shot him a questioning expression, evidently having reached the same conclusion. _Up to you_ , the other Doctor said silently. He could tell Rose she had it wrong and that he hadn’t come back for her at all. _Or_....

He nodded and then lowered Rose’s head to the floor. The other Doctor sent him another apologetic look, and then scrambled over to take his place. He wrapped one of Rose’s hands in his own and then bent over her.

“I know.” In a voice that sounded heavy with the weight of his years, he said, “How long has it been?”

“A few hours,” she whispered. “I didn’t... I mean, I hadn’t been waiting. Not exactly.” She paused. “You left me.”

His duplicate’s expression softened. “I thought I was doing the right thing.”

“You’re an idiot,” Rose said, but there was a smile in her voice.

The Doctor couldn’t listen to the rest. Without another word, he turned and strode out of the console room as fast as he could.


	4. Chapter 4

The Doctor hid in the library. He slid into the nearest sofa and closed his eyes, listening to the TARDIS hum around him. She dimmed the lights and raised the temperature slightly, somehow knowing how to tune herself to his new human biology.

He dozed restlessly—thoughts dwelling on Rose. Would she be like this forever? Would it ever be safe to let her leave the TARDIS?

His duplicate found him a short while later. He heard the scuffle of trainers in the doorway and then a gentle throat clearing. He roused himself slowly, shaking his head to dispel the cobwebs in his brain. The other Doctor entered the library with his hands stuffed into his pockets.

“She’s back in the infirmary,” he said. “Sleeping.”

“Oh,” he managed. He paused. “What did you say to her?”

The other Doctor looked uncomfortable. “I told her I... it doesn’t matter. She won’t remember.”

“It matters to me,” he said. “She’s my wife.”

“I’m aware of that,” said his duplicate, now distinctly colder. “I had one moment with her. You’ve got a lifetime.”

He sighed and then hung his head, feeling slightly ashamed. “Maybe you should sit with her for a bit.”

“What?”

“I should…” he rubbed his eyes, feeling like the floor might rush up to meet him at any moment. “I need to get some rest.”

“Oh, no, no, no,” said his duplicate. “You are not abandoning her. It doesn’t work like that.”

“And you’d know all about abandoning people.”

“Oi,” said his duplicate. “Worked out for you, didn’t it? Stop whinging and go sit with her.”

He shook his head. “No.”

“What? Why not?”

He raised his head. “I can’t… I can’t watch her go through this. I just… I can’t, Doctor.”

His duplicate’s jaw tightened and he stood silently, thinking. Finally, he pointed to him. “You… you made vows. _Wedding_ vows! You can’t just give up now ‘cos it got a bit difficult. Rose would never give up on you, you…”

He left the rest of it go unsaid, settling for glaring at him accusingly instead. The Doctor sighed and leaned back in the chair, folding his legs up under him. His duplicate was right. He _couldn’t_ abandon Rose—not now. _Not ever_.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I can’t help her like this,” he finally managed, looking at the other Doctor through itchy eyes. “I can barely tell which way is up.”

His duplicate dragged a hand through his hair. “Fine, then,” he said. “Get some rest. I’ll sit with her.” He paused, and still watching him accusingly, said, “She’ll wake up soon, and she’ll want you there. She’s getting better.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Time Lord,” responded his duplicate by way of explanation. “I know.”

He snorted. “Oh, come on, unless you went inside of her head—which you explicitly told me not to do—”

“Or _maybe_ ,” said his duplicate, cutting him off, “all she needed to hear was something I should have told her long ago. I don't know--the human brain is a brilliant and complicated thing.”

The Doctor let the implications of that sink in. Apparently deciding that the conversation was over, his duplicate turned on his heel and marched away. Something made the Doctor call him back.

“You could stay with us,” he said to his duplicate’s retreating back. “You know, for a while.”

His duplicate froze. Very slowly, he turned around. “I’m sorry?”

“Rose would like that.”

His lips turned up into a smile, “Really?” Then he shook his head. “We shouldn’t drag this out. Besides—” his smile dimmed. “You’re not the one who will have to walk away from her, in the end.”

The Doctor looked away, feeling weighed down by the other man’s sorrow. “Suppose not.”

“Get some rest,” said the other Doctor firmly, but not unkindly. “She’s going to need you.”

***

Rose felt like someone had opened up her head and stuffed it full of cotton. Against her better judgment, she forced her eyes open. Bright light stung her eyes, and a low-grade headache pounded in the back of her head.

Eyes watering, she looked around the room, eyes landing on familiar brown struts and columns. The TARDIS, she thought with a jolt. She was on the TARDIS.

She struggled to sit up and her eyes fell on a brown suited figure curled up in an armchair with a book on his lap. Her heart took a slow, diving tug. She missed that suit.

“Hi,” she said and was surprised by how scratchy her voice sounded.

The Doctor looked up from his book, a warm smile spreading across his face. “Hello. Welcome back.”

Her heart pounded faster under his gaze. She felt like she was seeing _him_ again—that Doctor she travelled with in the TARDIS once upon a time. Not the cold and lonely version that had first greeted her when she fell into the other universe.

“Did I go somewhere?” Rose asked.

The Doctor’s smile was gentle, but he didn’t answer. Instead, he stood up, lean body unfolding as he rose to his feet. He deposited the book on the chair and approached her bedside.

“Can I...?” he said, reaching out a hand.

“Yeah.”

He pressed his palm to her forehead and Rose closed her eyes, heart fluttering at his touch. “How did it go?” she said. “Am I better?”

The hand disappeared and she opened her eyes to find that he’d got very, very close. “It worked,” he said. “What’s the last thing you remember?”

His eyes were tender as he gazed at her, but there was something deep and lonely about his face. It broke her heart to think about him returning to the other universe on his own.

“You told me to sit down,” she replied. “Then you put that thing on my head—that Chameleon Arch.” She squeezed her eyes shut again. “It hurt.”

She felt fingers wrap around hers and squeeze her hand. “I’m sorry.”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

She opened her eyes and found him watching her intently. Again, she felt like his gaze was pained and distant. She instinctively reached out to touch him, but he ducked out of the way.

“Rose,” he said, the warning clear in his voice.

She drew her hand back and then rolled over, turning to face the wall. Her cheeks burned in embarrassment. Behind her, the Doctor sighed.

“It’s not that I don’t... I just can’t.”

Rose opened her mouth—and then thought better of it. What could she tell him? That she wanted him to stay? How could she when she’d built an entire life with his duplicate? It wouldn’t be fair to either of them.

The sounds of approaching footsteps saved her from having to make a reply and she rolled over to find her Doctor standing in the doorway. He looked tired and unshaven, but the blue suit was comfortable and reassuring.

“Rose,” he said, obviously startled to find her awake. “Are you...?” he trailed off with a pained expression like he didn’t know how to continue that thought.

“She’s back,” said the Time Lord Doctor.

Rose’s Doctor broke out into a wide grin. “Rose?” he said again.

“Yeah?”

“What’s the last thing you remember?”

“Um...” Rose said, now distinctly confused. Why had they both asked her that? “I put on the Chameleon Arch. Then I woke up here.”

The Doctor gave an undignified whoop that had Rose grinning. In a few quick strides, he’d crossed to her bedside, leaning over to hug her.

“What’s going on?” Rose said. She tried to sound stern, but the Doctor trailed kisses across her face and she found herself giggling. “Come on—” she tried, but he found her lips and she gave in to kissing him back.

Finally, she pushed at his shoulders and he pulled away, still grinning happily. She glanced over his shoulder and felt a disappointed tug when she realized the other Doctor had gone.

“ _Doctor_ ,” she said sternly. “Tell me what’s going on.”

He reached out to stroke her hair, wedding ring glinting in the light. His smile faded. “There were some complications.”

“Complications?” Rose repeated.

The Doctor nodded ambiguously like he wasn’t sure how much to tell her. Rose felt her frustration rise—even after all these years, he still felt like it was his job to decide what she could handle.

“Tell me,” she pressed.

“You had this... this sort of amnesia,” he said.

She blinked. “I had... what?”

“You woke up at different points in your own timeline. The Chameleon Arch—that’s alien technology, Rose. It wreaked havoc on your brain. Your body recovered the only way it could.” His lips turned up into a faint smile. “At one point, you didn’t remember I regenerated.”

“That was ages ago,” Rose said slowly as her thoughts drifted to a Doctor with big ears and a leather jacket. She so rarely thought of him like that anymore. “How come I can’t remember?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “It was... traumatic for you. Fascinating thing, the human brain—it’s possible that those memories have been repressed. They might come back in bits and pieces.”

He spoke calmly, almost robotically, like she was any other patient or companion. But Rose could tell how exhausted he was. She felt a twinge of guilt. She could only imagine how hard all this had been on him.

She closed her eyes, trying to focus on recalling her lost memories. Something about... Krop Tor? And... the brown-suited Doctor? Her heart jumped into her throat as she remembered him holding her hand, whispering to her.

Her eyes snapped open. The Doctor’s face swam into focus and she threw her arms around him, nuzzling into his neck. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

She was beginning to feel like she only caused him pain. He hugged her back tightly, breathing in deeply.

“I love you,” he said into her hair.

“I love you too.” She pulled away and managed a bright smile. “So what’s my prognosis, doc?”

Her smile had the desired effect. The Doctor relaxed, face breaking into a smile of his own.

“Ooh, now, let’s see....” With a dramatic flourish, he pulled out his specs and sat them over his nose. Then he grabbed the thermo-regenerator... thing... and slowly scanned it over her body.

She smiled lazily at him, and watched him fondly as he checked and double-checked the readings.

“Look at you,” she murmured, “back in the TARDIS.”

“Yeah,” he said. “I’ve missed this. It’s loads better than those barbaric things they give you at the Torchwood medical wing.”

“Shots?” said Rose. “Yeah, those are right terrifying.”

They shared a smile and the Doctor focused on the machine again, looking pleased by the readings.

Rose leaned back, wriggling until she got comfortable. “Guess I sort of ruined our honeymoon, didn’t I?”

The Doctor eyed her over the top of his specs. “Of course you didn’t.”

“Well, we can get back to it, can’t we? After I’m through here?” Rose sat up, and the thermo-regenerator squawked loudly in his hands. “I’m going to be okay, yeah? Doctor?”

“Clean bill of health!” he declared. He shut off the thermo-regenerator and tossed it over his shoulder.

“Never doubted it,” Rose said. “I do have the world’s best doctor.”

“ _Well_ ,” he said proudly, smile turning into a smirk.

She rolled her eyes and then pulled him in for a long kiss. She reckoned he’d earned it.

****

They emerged from the infirmary holding hands. Rose felt a little unsteady on her feet, but she insisted on walking.

“I can’t be having the best hair day,” she said, tugging at her hair like that might miraculously flatten it.

The Doctor sent her a sidelong glance, gaze softening as he looked at her. “You look beautiful.”

She nudged him in the arm, blushing at the compliment, even if she was aware that he’d just deftly avoided answering her question.

She took in a deep breath as they neared the console room. There was, of course, one more challenge she still had to get through.

Saying goodbye again.

“You could go with him, if you want,” said the Doctor softly.

She blinked at him. “What?”

He seemed entranced by his shoes. “He wouldn’t turn you down, Rose. Not again.”

Rose swallowed. “What are you saying?”

He clenched her hand tightly and then let it go. “I’m _saying_ that you have a choice this time. I don’t… you don’t have to stay with me. Not if you feel obligated.”

“How can you even _say_ that?” she said, feeling shaky. “After _everything_ we’ve been through?”

He stared at her, jaw slack. Then he shook his head and burst out with, “Wardrobe room!” He spoke rapidly as if he was no longer aware of her. “I’ll just be—hmm, ten minutes? It’s been ages since I’ve been in the wardrobe room, and I didn’t get much of a chance to prepare the last time around. I could use a new pair of Chucks. And a coat. It’s been ages since I’ve had a good coat. What do you think?”

“You can’t just…”

“Brilliant!” he said. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head and then raced off towards the wardrobe room.

Rose clenched her jaw and decided it would be pointless to run after him. She’d never reach him in her weakened state. And she still had unfinished business with the other Doctor.

She wiped her hands on her jeans and then, taking a deep breath, walked into the console room. She looked around for the Doctor. He was sitting in the pilot’s chair, feet propped up on the console. He didn’t look over at her and she approached him cautiously, having no idea where to even begin. _Thanks for saving my life? Sorry I rubbed my life with the other you in your nose? See you later, have a good time in the TARDIS?_

Finally, she reached his side. She leaned back against the console, next to his feet. Slowly, he turned his gaze on hers, and the look on his face tore at her heart. She knew that look. It was the same look he wore back on Bad Wolf Bay, back when he realized he’d just lost the TARDIS forever and had to learn how to live like a human.

They were so much the same, and yet, she couldn’t just slip another Doctor into her life when she’d spent the last five years building up a relationship with one of them.

“All right?” he said.

“Yeah,” Rose said. “The other Doctor said it worked—that Chameleon Arch thing.”

The Doctor mustered up a smile. “It worked brilliantly. You’re good as new. Rose Tyler.”

The last came out as more of a croak and he jumped to his feet, beginning to pull at buttons on the console. Rose hugged her arms to her chest, sensing that he was trying to leave as quickly as possible.

“Thank you,” she said, “for saving my life.”

“You’re very welcome. Just… stay safe, eh? And live a good, long life. For both our sakes.” Rose smiled and the Doctor looked around as if just noticing that they were on their own. “Where did I go off to, anyway?”

“Wardrobe room,” said Rose. “Something about a coat?”

“Oh,” said the Doctor, eyebrows shooting up.

“He’s not taking yours, don’t worry.”

The Doctor nodded absently and then returned to fiddling with the console, obviously trying to put as much distance between them as possible.

Rose bit her lip and then followed him. “Doctor?”

His hands paused on the console, but he didn’t look up. “What is it?”

She touched his arm. He flinched, but didn’t pull away. “You could come by sometimes. You don’t have to close that tear behind you.”

He sucked in a breath. “Rose—”

“It’s just…” she said, “you’re not alone, yeah? I’ll be here. If you ever need anything. Anything at all.”

She saw him think about it, but she all ready knew what his answer was going to be. It was too painful for him to watch her with his duplicate.

Sure enough, he said, “I’d be intruding.”

“Yeah, and since when has that mattered to you?”

He smiled. “You and he have a life together,” he said firmly.

Rose sighed and let the subject drop. Her eyes darted around the console room again. It felt bigger than she remembered it. Bigger and emptier—darker, too, like the Doctor was just existing in it rather than living. She rubbed at her arms. She hated to think of him leaving and going on alone, but what could she do? He’d made his choice. She couldn’t tie him up and force him to live in the spare room of their flat. She’d given him a way to stay in touch, and it was up to him to do the rest.

“I’m going to regenerate soon,” he said abruptly.

Her eyes widened. “How do you know?”

He shrugged, eyes distant. “Everywhere I go, I keep hearing the same message—that my song is ending.”

“Oh,” Rose said. She opened her mouth to tell him that it didn’t matter, she didn’t care, and then stopped herself. It wasn’t quite true, was it? A person’s look and feel and personality _mattered_. Sometimes she’d felt like she and him were meant for each other, right down to how her hand fit in his.

“Then...” she finally said. “I’m glad we got a chance to say goodbye.”

She mustered up a brave smile and his eyes went all soft and tender in a way that told Rose how much he loved her even if he couldn’t say it. He closed the gap between them and pulled her in for a tight hug. He held her with such stillness and desperation that she wondered if she’d ever be able to let go.

A part of her yearned to ask him if he would still love her, after...

But she wasn’t sure which answer would be worse. So she stayed silent.

“I wish I could be there for you,” she said, picturing him alone in an empty TARDIS as he died. The image brought fresh tears to her eyes. “Promise me that you’ll find someone.”

There was no answer and Rose fell silent. She fought the urge to scream at the universe—it just wasn’t fair to split him in two when there was only one of her.

Finally, the Doctor pulled away. He took a few steps backwards and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Well,” he whispered.

“Well,” Rose said—and then decided to press her point. “Think of all the good times we had together. The Gelth and Christmas and Queen Victoria—would you change any of that?”

He looked surprised. “Of course not.”

“Then find someone,” she said. “It doesn’t have to be right now or even soon—but one day. You’re happiest when you’ve got someone with you.”

He looked away. “Maybe.”

“I know so,” Rose said. “And you know what, Doctor? It’s not goodbye for us—it never will be. The universe is always gonna be in danger from something and one day you’ll need my help. So we’ll see each other again. And I won’t care who you look like—that won’t matter.”

He managed a smile. “I hope so.”

She smiled back, beginning to feel like she was getting through to him. The sound of footsteps approached the console room and a moment later, her Doctor rounded the corner, arms piled with clothes. “I found a coat!” he said. “And possibly a hat. I’ve always wanted a good hat. Rose, you’re not ashamed of a man in a hat, are you?”

Rose drew in a deep breath and backed away from the console. “No,” she said shakily, trying to smile. And then, “What sort of hat?”

The Doctor frowned at her, eyes ticking from her to the other him. He looked troubled. “Am I interrupting something?”

“No,” said the other Doctor hurriedly. “We’re finished.” He let one hand drop down on the console. “I should be off. The TARDIS can’t survive this world much longer.”

“Right,” said Rose’s Doctor. He cleared his throat. “Thank you, Doctor. For everything.”

The Doctor in brown raised his head from the console. The two men stared at each other, some sort of unspoken understanding passing between them. Rose’s eyes ticked from one to the other, and she stayed very, very still, hardly daring to even breathe. Finally, her Doctor broke their stare and turned to Rose.

“Come on,” he said, “it’s time for us to go.”

Rose looked back at the Time Lord Doctor. He studiously avoided her stare and made a show of pulling levers on the console. That was it, then. He was just going to turn around and go. Again.

No goodbyes, she reminded herself, but suddenly found that it provided her with little comfort.

“Rose?” prodded her Doctor.

“Yeah,” she said, tearing her gaze away. Her eyes fell on a blue suited Doctor with a pile of clothes balled up under his arm. “Let’s go.”

She followed him out of the TARDIS. Behind her, she could already hear the TARDIS groaning as she prepared to dematerialize. Rose remembered another day, another goodbye, and a cold beach as the Doctor turned around and left.

Her eyes had just enough time to take in the gaudy decorations of the hotel room before the sound of the TARDIS dematerializing filled the air. She spun around in time to watch it fade away, listening to the grind of its engines for what could be the final time.

It disappeared and Rose felt bereft and light-headed. Funny, she thought, how it never got any easier.

She felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up to find the Doctor watching her sadly. Without speaking, she leaned heavily against him and he pressed his chin to the top of her head. She turned her head to nestle into his shoulder, squeezing her eyes shut. As much as she missed the TARDIS, the Doctor had to be feeling her loss far more acutely.

She raised her gaze and studied the Doctor’s profile. His cheeks and nose were dotted in freckles, and she could just make out the first hints of grey beginning to fleck his sideburns. She rose on her tiptoes and pressed her nose to his cheek, relaxing when one of his arms found its way around her.

She tilted her head until her lips met his. He leaned into the kiss, eyes falling shut and his hand came up to frame her face.

She pulled away and felt breathless like the ground was spinning under her feet. Present from the Chameleon Arch, she reckoned, trying to ignore the lump in her throat.

The Doctor didn’t notice her discomfort. His fingers brushed over her cheek, his eyes softening. “Rose, I’m going to put this stuff away—” he nodded to the clothes still balled up under his arm, “and then—”

“We’ll get some rest?” Rose suggested, yawning widely in his face. “And you have got to start shaving again.”

He blinked and then released her to swipe one hand over his chin. “Ah,” he said.

“No one likes kissing a man with stubble,” Rose said. “It’s like kissing a porcupine.”

“I’m touched,” said the Doctor, but he sounded happier than he had in ages. With something of a jaunt in his step, he moved off to sort through his new acquisitions.

Rose watched him go, smile dimming.

****

“We could try rock climbing tomorrow,” Rose said, shifting in the tub. Water slopped up against the sides, splashing onto the floor.

The Doctor raised his eyebrows from where he was sitting on the toilet seat, clean-shaven but still unwashed. “We’ll see.”

Rose sighed. She leaned back to rinse her hair out under the water, closing her eyes and enjoying the warm water against her body. She didn’t want to tell the Doctor, but the Chameleon Arch had clearly taken a toll on her. There was a steady throbbing headache in her temples, and the rest of her body felt like it had been mowed over by a tidal wave.

When she emerged from the water, she found the Doctor had shifted closer to the tub and was now peering at her thoughtfully. “You should have something to eat.”

“I’m all right,” she said.

“I can make you a sandwich,” he continued. “I’ll even cut off the crusts.”

“Yeah, I’m not five.”

He frowned. “Loads of people like their crusts cut off.”

“And loads of people who aren’t half-alien or my baby brother don’t mind them,” Rose said. “Listen, you don’t have to fuss, yeah? I’m going to be fine. The TARDIS said so.”

She immediately felt bad about bringing up the TARDIS, but the Doctor hardly seemed to notice. “Rose—”

She took a deep breath and disappeared under the water again, determined to avoid whatever lecture he was going to give her. When she emerged again, he was beginning to look frustrated.

“All right, I’m sorry,” she said. She looked down at her fingers. They were beginning to shrivel in the water like a prune. She rubbed at her wedding ring. “I know you’re worried about me.”

“Yeah,” he said softly. “I am.” He paused and then swallowed. “Is that so wrong?”

She didn’t answer right away. She supposed she’d become so accustomed to looking out for him in this world that it was odd that their positions were in reverse. He’d been so baffled by his new human life at first, so much that simple things like needing money to buy milk had almost overwhelmed him. He’d gotten better with time, but Rose was still the one who dealt with most of the simple day-to-day matters like paying bills or putting the garbage out.

So she nodded and drew her legs closer to her chest. “It hurts.”

She saw him tense, but all he said was, “Where?”

“Everywhere,” she said. “I know it’s good ‘cos it means I’m gonna live, but all the same… it hurts.” She wiped furiously at her cheeks before adding, “And it hurts that he turned and left me again. It’s a different sort of hurt, but it still… it never really gets any easier.”

She heard his pained intake of breath, but he only said, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Rose said, wiping at her eyes again. “It’s just that…”

How could she put it into words? How could she tell him that the problem was knowing that the person you loved most of all was still out there on his own? When he was sitting right across from her?

“When I had that… that amnesia,” Rose continued, looking up at him, “did something happen? I keep feeling like I’m missing something important.” She sighed in frustration. “I’m probably just being stupid.”

“Never,” said the Doctor, but his tone rang false. He stood up and rummaged around before coming back with a big, fluffy towel. “Come on,” he said. “You need food and rest.”

Rose knew he was trying to distract her, but she was too exhausted to press her point. “I’m not the only one.”

He blinked at her in befuddlement and she idly flicked some water in his direction. “Take a shower and then come to bed, yeah? Food can wait.”

He hesitated, but Rose pushed herself to her feet, shivering as the cool air hit her skin. The Doctor had the towel wrapped around her a moment later. Rose stepped out of the bathtub and then leaned against the Doctor, her wet hair leaving a patch of water on his shoulder.

“I _mean_ it,” she said. “You’ve got to be just as tired as me, half-Time Lord or not.”

His lips pressed against her temple and then he said. “All right. I’ll be right there.”

She nodded and then made her way to their bedroom, her legs feeling heavier with each step. She didn’t bother with drying her hair; only wrung it in her towel a few times. Then she left the towel in a pile on the floor before slipping into her pyjamas. Shivering, she crawled into bed, pulling the covers up to her neck. She closed her eyes and listened to the steady drum of the shower, waiting for the Doctor to come back out.

It didn’t take him long. She heard the bathroom door open and shut, and light briefly flashed across her closed eyelids. Then the bed tilted towards one side and the Doctor climbed in next to her.

“Rose,” he whispered. “Are you asleep?”

“Not yet.”

He shifted and then cuddled up behind her. His arms wrapped around her middle and he pulled her still wet hair back to kiss the back of her neck before stilling.

She could feel his heart thudding against her back, and she didn’t have to look at him to know he was still tense.

She rolled over. “Doctor? What’s wrong?”

He didn’t answer at first. His hand trailed up and down her side, and he seemed lost in thought. Finally, he said. “Rose, you were dying and I didn’t even know.”

“Don’t be stupid. That’s not your fault.”

“ _He_ knew… the other me knew. And if he hadn’t…”

“He only knew ‘cos I fell through to the other universe.

“Yeah,” he said gruffly.

Rose cuddled into his side. “Does it matter? I’m better now.”

“It’s not that. It’s…”

Instead of finishing, he pressed his nose to her cheek, seeming content with just touching her for the time being. Half-human or not, it was still half impossible to get him to talk about anything that mattered.

“Come on,” she said, pushing lightly on his chest. “What is it? Doctor?”

“We were on our _honeymoon_ , Rose,” he said pulling away, and almost sounding annoyed that she hadn’t all ready figured that out on her own. “I used to think it’d be better if we went away—somewhere without Torchwood and aliens and fire-breathing Smalgenvores.”

“They only breathed fire when they were provoked!” Rose protested. She sat up in bed, suddenly wide-awake. “Doctor, that sort of life? Without the aliens and adventures? How rubbish is that? You’d hate it.”

He sat up next to her, letting his elbows rest on his knees. “I know.”

“Then why…?”

He shrugged. “You’d be safe.”

“Oh,” Rose whispered.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “But we were on our honeymoon,” he repeated. “We haven’t seen a single alien in days, and the biggest mystery I’ve thought about is why on Earth anyone in their right mind would use that wallpaper in the living room of the honeymoon suite.”

“Maybe the owners were colour blind?”

The Doctor contemplated that for a moment before shaking his head. “The point is, we were on the world’s most boring holiday—”

“Oi!”

“And you still... you...”

“All right, it’s okay,” she said, arms automatically going around him. He fell silent and leaned into her. In the dark, she could just make out the curve of his nose on his face. She hooked one leg over his and dropped her voice. “How come you asked me if I wanted to go with him? It’s not like TARDIS travel is the safest thing in the universe.”

He drew in a sharp breath. “That’s different.”

“Is it?”

He stiffened but Rose held on to him tighter. “ _Yes_. I’m not just… just an _obligation_. Last time you didn’t get a choice. This time you did.” He paused. “He’s missed you.”

She felt her heart flutter, but she only said, “I’m not just gonna go throw away a relationship we’ve spent five years building.” She shifted her weight so she could look him in the eyes. “Besides, I chose the _Doctor_. Every time. He’s still you, isn’t he?”

“Yeah,” he said after a pause. And then, “D’you really think so?”

She hadn’t seen him this insecure since those long weeks after Bad Wolf Bay. “I didn’t marry you ‘cos I was settling for an ‘obligation,’” she said sharply.

“That’s not what I meant,” said the Doctor. He gave a ragged sigh. “If a part of you still wanted to be with him…” He trailed off, suddenly looking unsure of what he wanted to say. “ _Well_ ,” he settled on, shrugging.

Rose opened her mouth to reply, but a sudden memory distracted her.

_”I came back,” said the Doctor, holding her hand, face bent down close to hers. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught a flash of blue as his duplicate left the room._

_Her heart pounded. Dimly she was aware that they were in the console room (when had that happened?), but his fingers squeezed hers and she fixed her gaze on his. Questions of “What’s going on?” and “How did I get here?” died in her throat._

_“You should have said goodbye,” she found herself saying._

_The Doctor ignored that. “Rose, listen, there’s something I have to tell you.”_

_Her pounding heart kicked it up a notch. “What is it?”_

_He took a deep breath. “If this is my last chance—and I mean that, really and properly this time—Rose Tyler, I…”_

“Rose?” called the Doctor.

She jumped, and the memory faded. But she knew how that sentence was going to end and it brought on a powerful wave of sorrow and elation. He’d _said_ it—five years too late and when she wasn’t in her right mind—but he’d still said it.

She reckoned she had a pretty good idea what had made her Doctor feel so insecure.

“Listen, I’m never gonna stop missing him.” She reached for his hand and wound her fingers through his, squeezing them tightly. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with you.”

He took that in. His fingers trailed over her wedding ring. “Okay,” he whispered. “Thank you.”

She smiled. “We’re okay?”

“Oh, yes,” he said. Then, looking thoughtful, he tapped the side of her head. “What about in there?”

She didn’t answer right away. Instead she tugged the covers back over both of them, suddenly exhausted again. Her eyes closed as soon as her head hit the pillow, and her words were thick and heavy when she finally replied, “It’s much quieter now.” 


End file.
